4Kids

You walk into a crowded room full of people you know. You look around and everyone seems to be having a good time chatting, connecting and catching up on what they have been up to. Yet as you look around you feel like you’re the only person in the room. Loneliness. You can be surrounded by others yet feel so alone.

It may surprise you to know that if you are experiencing loneliness – you are not alone! Surveys indicate that 25% of all adults experience loneliness at least every few weeks and it’s even greater amongst high school and uni students.

What causes us to feel so disconnected from the rest of the world?

It can be simply because of physical isolation. Perhaps you’ve moved into in a small community or attend a church where you’re the only young person. You can also be emotionally isolated from others even when you are surrounded by family and friends but just don’t feel connected to anyone. Perhaps you feel that you don’t fit in, or you feel you are just not “normal”.

The fact is we were designed to be connected to people through relationships. We’re not meant to journey through life alone. Sometimes loneliness can be caused by social difficulties, shyness or depression. When you feel down or depressed you tend to withdraw from others and it can feel like you are the only person experiencing loneliness. It becomes a cycle, the less connected you are the more isolated and lonely you feel, but then you don’t feel like connecting to others and so you become even more miserable and so on.

Social media tends to produce a ‘pseudo-connection’ that looks like we’re really in the middle of this huge social network but in actual reality we aren’t very connected to anyone. It is highly probable that everyone is trying to make it look like they’re having a great time and you feel like you’re the only one missing out. But they are often inflated or exaggerated to make themselves look cool. While social media sites like Facebook are a great way of staying in touch with people, particularly friends that don’t live close by, it shouldn’t be a substitute for really hanging out with other people or picking up the phone and calling them, (yes that’s right) not just texting but a real one-on-one conversation.

So what can you do?

Firstly, stop defining yourself as being ‘lonely’ or a loser with no friends, but see yourself as being open to experience new opportunities, new connections and experiences.

If you’ve moved into a new area and don’t know anyone, look up your local services directory; go to the local youth centre, church or library for a list of groups or activities you can join. Get involved in helping at a youth shelter, or sign up to a sporting group. Look for a part-time job or some volunteer work. Common interests and helping others helps take your mind off your own problems by focusing on someone else. Initiate having lunch with someone. You may even make some great new friends.

If you’re not sure what to say ask open ended questions that require more than a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. Some conversation starters are:

• How are your classes going?
• What are your subjects this year?
• How long have you been working here?

If you know someone who seems to be lonely, include them in activities you are involved in such as sport, youth group or a pizza night. Think about what they like to do and introduce them to people you know that would have a common interest as them. You may have your own story of loneliness or struggling to find new friends you can share with them, which can help them feel at ease and less isolated.

If your loneliness is due to long term issues such as depression or social anxiety you can seek professional support from a counsellor, social worker or psychologist.

Want some other ideas?

Salvation Army Counselling Services

Reachout 

UTS 

By Lyn Beasy Registered Psychologist