How can we be here again?

22 September 2021

The power of knowing we are not alone

Words Amanda Hart

I looked at the news and had to get out.

Something deep inside screaming, “How can we be here again?”

I thought I was stronger, I thought I could manage,

But the fear is suddenly creeping in.

Loneliness. Pounding at the door.

Deafening in its silence.

I can’t even hear myself think.

What am I thinking?

My brain is like a brewing storm and I’m scared of what’s coming.

I can already feel the darkness descending.

Closing in.

Tightening its grip.

I don’t know if I can face the struggle.

Maybe I should just … let it consume me?

The old Amanda tries to creep back in.

The one that would allow the black hole to open up and swallow her.

I’m not her anymore.

Those feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, shame

They don’t belong here; they don’t align with my name.

Amanda – fit to be loved, worthy of love.

That’s who I am, that’s what I am.

Loved. Loved by God. Loved by others.

Blessed to have friends like family.

Blessed to have people who care.

A child of God who holds me in his protective arms.

How can we be here again?

I don’t know, but we are.

And I am not alone.

Captain Amanda Hart is a Salvation Army officer (pastor) in Victoria.